One Liners - Part 1
* - It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
* - It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
* - Never miss a good chance to shut up.
* - Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* - Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* - The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
* - The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
* - The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
* - Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
* - Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* - Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* - To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
* - Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
* - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* - Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
* - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* - Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
* - Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* - You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
* - You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
* - You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
* - A best friend is someone who knows everything about you, but likes you just the same.
* - An old man told me the secret of living to be one hundred. Get past fifty and hope that God rounds off.
* - As a worker, he doesn't let his job take up too much of his time.
* - For most men there are three ages of hair: parted, unparted and departed.
* - He has no respect for age, unless it's bottled.
* - He thinks he has the body of a 16 year old...He better give it back, because he's wrinkling it.
* - He's at a difficult age; too old to work and too poor to retire.
* - He's so tall...No matter how little money he has, he never ends up short.
* - No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
* - Some girls don't just choose a boyfriend...they pick him-to pieces.
* - Tall people always look down on short people. Short people always look up to tall people.
* - The only vise he can still handle is on his workshop bench.
* - When it comes to hard work, some people will stop at nothing.
* - Who says nothing is impossible...my uncle has been doing nothing for years.
* - Work fascinates my brother-in-law…he can sit and watch for hours.
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