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Funny Quotes

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five." - Steven Wright

"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name." - Paula Poundstone

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." - Steven Wright

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor." - Joan Rivers

"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?" - Lily Tomlin

"My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic." - Spike Milligan

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