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Top Ten Signs You're On A Lame Spring Break

10. Your hotel room offers a breathtaking view of the Persian Gulf

9. The package is 5 days, 2 nights

8. Closest thing you get to a sunburn is a rash from the hotel linens

7. Instead of a wet t-shirt contest, there's a less satisfying "wet hat" contest

6. Limbo stick looks an awful lot like a human femur

5. Difference between the presidential suite and a regular room? Free Q-Tips

4. Ask where to take a swim, the concierge suggests mall fountain

3. The bed in your room is not a water bed but it's awfully damp

2. Conga line ends at Scientology Center

1. Most action you got was when mom kissed you goodbye