ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
-- Steven King, 3/8/90
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a Moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
-- Robert Firth
The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.