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Deep Thoughts

ON HIGHER EDUCATIONCollege is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMSA polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON YOUTH"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."-- Steven King, 3/8/90

ON PROBLEM SOLVINGWhen the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.-- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISMHe who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON ECONOMICSThe cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHINGI am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.-- English Professor, Ohio University

ON REVISIONIST HISTORYWhat was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATINGWhen aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATIONOf all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVEWhen you're swimmin' in the creekAnd an eel bites your cheekThat's a Moray!-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MODERNISMQ: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCECharacter density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTIONSave the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON HUMILITYTo err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."-- Robert Firth

ON PROPHECYThe meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.

ON NUMBERSGrabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICSDiplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENTThere are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.