Actual Excerpts from Student Science Exam Papers
* Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
* Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
* The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
* Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
* The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
* To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
* The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
* A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
* The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
* The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
* To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
* Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
* Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
* Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
* A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
* The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
* The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
* Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
* We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
* English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
* By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
* If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
* Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
* Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
* A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
* A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
* Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
* A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
* The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
* When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
* It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
* Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
* For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
* For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
* For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
* For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
* To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
* For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
* For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
* Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
* Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
* When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
* When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.