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Wonders of the English Language

* There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

* English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

* Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

* We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

* And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

* If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

* One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

* Doesn't it seem crazy that You can make amends but not one amend,

* If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

* If teachers taught, why didn't the preacher praught?

* A vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

* Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

* In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

* Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

* How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?

* How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

* How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

* Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

* Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

* Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or piccable?

* And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

* You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

* English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.